white tictictic

i am pretty unhealthy fyi in terms of like, maybe, well-being in a general sense. i’m still a kid, i just want to be perfect. i am more or less what i dreamed of being when i was a chubby, unfortunate youth. i was uglyugly everywhere, no one wanted a drink. now, people do think i’m pretty attractive, generally…but is it that i just subconsciously sussed out a person who wants something i could never be?

do i just encourage people to want something entirely different than me? is my _________ really so poisonous? what am i doing to them to say ‘no’? i’m adored for a minute, but then you want something totally, completely different. as far away as you can get. i can’t keep someone contented–maybe no one really can, maybe i’m just too self-aware.

you start off thinking i’m pretty good, but then you just want more or less or younger or older or quieter or louder or whatever. a dog. a man. sweat-stained sheets. to be alone. fatter. thinner. darker. i’m never enough, that is just how it ends up. maybe i’m not sullying anyone, maybe they just want something else, something they think of when they’re sick of looking at all this, this stupid body that i wanted as a lonely chunky gothy tween. i was shit, but i guess you can dress it up all day and people will still be ashamed of it after awhile.

you can never be happy with what you have~~classic phrases~~
grass is always greener ~~___ _____~~
i guess i should take comfort in the whole jennifer aniston thing, right