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I think I don’t hate people, as much as I don’t understand some specific things people seem to do and like, and I get frustrated at that.  It is more frustration at not “getting it”, the whole of “”"”it”"”"”, than it is actual hate.  I think, at least–if not it would be a lot of hate.

I’ve been trying to just be happier, and it is pretty alright.  I’m still bored, though.  I’ll just try sleeping more.

Today I accidentally had to speak to some neighborhood lady.   Taffy wasn’t using her li’l trainin’ pupp’ pads, so I took her outside for a second to see if she’d do so out there.   Kill two birds with one stone, because I want her to start going outside anyway.   So I just open the door, dog on leash, I’m in pajamas (lounge clothes, really, so nothing crazy embarassing–just not something I neccesarily want people trying to talk to me while I’m wearing them) and there is a car parked on the road, near our mailbox.  Some lady is trudging out and walking towards the middle-area of our and the neighbor’s yards, where a cable line has been awaiting burial for…months, maybe, now.  Completely and totally Not Our Thing, but this lady had came to us before to gripe about it…or something, we didn’t answer the door, she left a message crying about the cable line.  We are renting this place, the lawncare is provided, so the beef was that the lawn people couldn’t mow around the cable.  As true as that may be, which it is completely true (the cable had caution tape all around it ((pps thanks cable company for just leaving an unplanted wire just hanging around a house, what the hell)) and we certainly weren’t going to mess with it, nor should anyone else feel obligated to), and we were in agreement that the cable company should be called.

Therefore, lady (she’s like, what do you call it, the President of the Gladys Kravitz Association?) called the cable company, they eventually get out, and now the line is buried, and the surrounding area completely mowed.  They had just mowed around it before.  Everything is fine, UNTIL–
i have to speak to another person, while I’m just trying to relax and get my dog to poop on the grass without incident

She is trudging up, just says “Oh, it looks like they made it out” cool lady don’t worry about formalities like introducing yourself or saying hello or anything, you being at my home now you don’t have to worry about being polite, no you are not intruding in on my loungetime at all

Then, I being as clever as I am and having put together right away who she was and why she was talking about some stupid thing at me says “oh yeah i guess they did” and then I just silently encourage taffy to please go outside oh for the love of god just do it because i want this woman to feel awkward enough about this whole encounter that she just leaves and never looks back

but no taffy just eats grass and stands with her head proud in the breeze, cone and all~~my dog is the opposite of the sort of dog people write epitaphs for

anyway, the lady and me are standing quite a few feet apart, just not talking.  she’s looking at…whatever that massive electric box thing is that it in front of people’s homes and businesses, and she says something about “oh you’ve got tons of _____” and I’m just like, “what is that”
she’s like “oh, it is like little field mice.  that is why there are so many tunnels and a hole oh they have a nest there i guess” and i just say plain as day, “disgusting.”  the fact of the matter is, we live in a perfectly nice condo, and i don’t care to hear about whatever fauna may be on the outskirts of it.  As long as I never, ever see a mouse inside of this house, they can have a stuckey’s out there for all i care

and I don’t think I will, because our home is not uhhhh squalid or old.

meanwhile, some other bitch comes out of her house and says “EX-X-CUSE ME IS YOUR GARAGE DOOR OPENING” just out into the air like that

I look over at her but I’m more concerned about how quickly I can get out of this situation that is now rapidly spiralling into a Social Gathering

the original lady (O.L. Gladys)  says “ohh well i live all the way over on the other side of–” and the other one interrupts at this point “I know where you live and i know who you are” and i’m now stooped over petting taffy and pretending to be preoccupied with some grass or something she was sniffing, like i’m all curious about the World of Nature, Right Outside of My Home!

and the O.L. says “hmm have you checked your circuit breaker”

Meanwhile, I’m thinking, what the hell does this have to do with anything at all, interrupting cow of a neighbor?  if your garage door isn’t opening, the lady who runs the like, compliance committee for this shitty condominium neighborhood isn’t going to be able to fix it?  what does she have to do with that?  she has nothing to do with your garage,  you figure it out.  also, whether her door is opening or not has no bearing on your door’s current state.  Do you think they’re all on the same…garage door circuit or something?  They aren’t.  That is not how electricity or your home or a neighborhood or anything, anything at all works.

instead of saying any of this i am just staring quite intently at a piece of land with my stupid dog in tow
then the O.L. says “hmm would you like a flash light i may have one in my car” and the other interrupting lady says “YES that would be great” STILL like this random woman is obligated to assist her and her garage issues.  maybe the life of a busybody is harder than I thought.

Anyway, I took that opportunity to scuttle back into my house, with the O.L. halfway in her car and the interrupting lady busy feeling important.

that is the story i guess but i thought it was pretty funny how i just went back inside without having much at all in the way of a conversation with that woman, or the other one

It isn’t that I don’t like neighbors, and I don’t want to have a combative or unfriendly relationship with them at all, but I really never “got” the whole “neighborly” thing.   I should just force myself into friendships with people because they live near me?  That doesn’t mean much, at all.  It would be a ‘friendship’ of convenience, and I just don’t think friends are all that convenient as it is.

Besides, I’d much prefer neighbors who are polite, but stick to themselves.  My next-door neighbors are like that, they are occasionally out at the same time as we are, and we sometimes wave at one another, sometimes not.  We, as they used to say, ‘get along’.  It’s no big “OH NEEEIGHBORS lets talk about THINGS and borrow MAIL and watch each other’s DOGS on VACATIONS”  it is more like, “hey, I trust that if my car was getting broken into and you saw it, you’d call the police.  I’d do the same for you, but I do not think either of us should be running around trying to save the neighbor’s car ourselves, you know. also, don’t ask me about my life and i will not ask you about yours. we do not share our names, and we go on about our business, politely.”  That is the perfect neighbor.

anyway long story short if you want to speak with me you have to just so happen to be coming out of your car at the same time i am with my dog outside, or else i just won’t answer the door

p.s. i don’t care about the mouse thing, whatever the hell you were talking about, unless you are going to gas them or something i don’t know, so don’t bother telling me.  you came here to nose around and make sure the cable was buried, it was, so just start heading back.   also, you didn’t have to stop and get out of the car to see that.  i noticed when i just drove by the house earlier today soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
never bother me again, neighbor woman

also interrupting woman what the hell is your deal
what if that lady was talking to me about something important and here you come interrupting us to gripe about something nobody has anything to do with

that is like if I just go lurking around when I see you hillbilly’s outside eating Hotted Dogs and smoking Rolled Tabaccos and I just start complaining that my car isn’t really awesome

what can you do about it? what could me or that neighborhood gladys possibly do about your Current Problems?  just stay inside, christ.

now I’m all itchy because she grossed me out, talking about mice.  I didn’t tell you that my dog has to poop, did I?  so shut up.  no one here is talking about gross stuff.  Don’t come to my house, say something about a buried cable like it was my problem all along and it just finally got fixed (note : it was the cable company’s problem, not yours and definitely not mine, either) and then tell me about some gross stuff happening near by.  I’m just trying to relax, lady.  Not have to take a boiling hot shower out of fear that some small field mouse touched my hand somehow, tenderly.

i already boil myself after going outside for fear of tiny, imperceptible insect invasion

so
thanxX jerk

Tags: sweet cans, things i've done