plate japes

sad songs they say so much , , , , ,
when you dance you ought to dance sl-o-ow
what fragrance was planned to be so entrepreneurial, and here they are selling closeout stock 2by2! its almost a shame if they werent still overcharging for their chyprefloral hyperemporial nonesuchsense>>

why not just decant cool water // shalimar together in one ornate bottle silver threads and golden needles and the warm glow of your    e    y   e   s    that would sell, just as well and just as well, huh?

foolish lil grarrl fickle lil grarrl hes not dreaming of yaaoouuu , you didnt want him when he wanted yaaouuu

in a matter of days i’ll be twenty, only one year away before i am namedropped in les bourgeois
so far just oh and twenty……….worth little, the way i figure it.  No longer a teenager, it seems so alien a concept. i dont know why so many people think it would be a curse to be immortal, i disagree completely.

i’d take casca’s life over my own anyday   the wandering schmoo, right?

oh sweet jesus there is no turnin b a Q q Q , always 1 more town a little further down the t r a Q q Q
for real though id live forever , no questions asked no hesitation.  i want to watch ***i like 2 watch the way u walk*** what happens hmm maybe cryogenics will come into play someday , or maybe that robot dogbody will actually kick in around 60. ya, i could live with sixty. ***live 2 hear tha words u talk***

id like 2 know the things u do when no1s there 2 spy on u
i want 2crawl inside ur haed 2 kiss ur mind n lips of rEd
i dig tha things u do 2 me u lit the fire 2 set me free oh
babYYY
–james whitcomb riley

what was the name of that whale with the horn ?  narwhol?  close enough i could g00g0lbordello it

albern algue marinesjour

i used to want to tap dance as a kid, i took lessons and everything, i really was excited for it   i remember it so well , but i just stopped.  its so depressing to think how many things ive just dropped.  so many little interests that i ignore or destroy     i know ill just be “whatever” forever, whenever, wherever
mebbbesss i can write songs for various latino/a artists who want to break thru into the english-speaking world

just because i think i could get a handle on that style.  if i had my druthers id boss the nova once more

my shoes are too big, i havent had a pair of shoes that fit me since my LA gears of days gone yon
my grandma told me to start looking for salesmans samples , apparently theyre smaller than the average market shoe    good idea i guess, but id rather have someone magic me a human foot instead of these hooves

ridiculous lame

What is lame
Lame is a person who makes plans with you, asks you to hang out with them, and is excited to see you
who texts you that day and says “alright give me a few hours to do nothing” and it’s like, alright coo
i’m cool with that because I take an amount of time to get ready as well, so whatevzZz
and from then on doesnt bother to contact you for eight hours++ even after a casual “HEY WAZHAPNIN” after
like, six hours
at this point its like pretty much you better hope you’re dead~~~

for someone who is constantly complaining about how bad of a friend everyone is to you, you sure are pretty much shitty yourself these days!  I mean seriously when you say that none of your friends (present company xXxcluded of course LOOOOOOL) care about “your feelings”, maybe it is because you care enough about yourself to sate the appetites of an entire catillion of self important teens.

every single conversation manages to get back to your life, I could be trying to talk about how I’m looking for a job, sure not scinitillating but since we don’t share all the same interests really it’s tough to find shit to talk about, ANYYYWAY me looking for a job instantly, seriously, thirty seconds later (sometimes right in the middle of my sentence, even) will turn into something about how you want a job too.
Well okay yes that is something I wouldn’t mind talking about, sure, whatever, it’s as interesting a subject as we’re likely to cover…but for the love of Jesus Christ the Savior on His Holiest of Thrones Crowned with Thorns LET ME SAY SOME SHIT SOMEDAY, SOMETIME.  I know all about what you’re doing, and you don’t bother to ask ever what I’m up to.  And if I try and profer that info up, you just go on recounting your day, like I’m just interrupting you.

Just maybe have a conversation once that is either about neither of us, or one about my ideas/thoughts/feelings/incidents.  Just one!  The worst thing is, I know you recognize this that you’re doing.  It isn’t like it hurts my feelings, it is just rude and a little boring to have a totally one-sided conversation.  Anything you allow me to say, it’s pretty much just a commentary on your life.  Maybe I have the occasional quip or anecdote to relate.  Or a movie I watched, or a book I read, or some news I heard.  Things, I have things to say.  Fun things, clever things, witty things, intelligent things.  So do you, but Jesus, I hear them all day.

Tonight was just lame, but excusable.  I know that I’ve let people down in regards to plans before, everybody does.  But it is symptomatic of your whole ‘thing’ lately.  We’re good friends and all, I just feel like either taking a break (so I can be interested in hearing about you again//fresh news) or just telling you how annoying it is to be your friend who just occasionally interjects a gag or two.  It feels like I’m nothing but a funny little robot programmed to do nothing but give a fuck about your life, make wisecracks, and laugh at the appropriate times.

You’re being selfish, but maybe it’s just because you don’t have anyone else to really talk to in-depth.  Well, neither do I.  I wish you’d consider that.

far too

i don’t think there will ever be a moment where i feel content.  I’m listless, I’m hateful, I’m self-righteous, and I’m vain.  I wish I didn’t have such a hollow, sacked feeling in my stomach when I think of other people, and how they think, and how they act.   I know there are a lot of people who are just like me, agree with me on almost every count, and are just the bee’s knees.  See, it just doesn’t outweigh the knowledge that even one person is remaining on this Earth who thinks that, let’s say, Bill Clinton was an actual murderer.

To be aware of human beings out there, more than a few little outliers that exist on any graph, no–groups, circlejerking about their ridiculous views, their ridiculous feelings–is what makes me seethe.   I hear about it, I throw up my hands, and I just wish they’d get their fantasy world.  Their world where 9/11 was an inside job, their world where Jews, represented fractionally in our world, somehow even in their minute numbers control every aspect of their lives, their world where morality is black and white and attached to every single action, theory, and idea, their world where race signifies something other than aesthetic differences, their world where global warming is a total scam, their world where they don’t have to pay taxes and everyone who isn’t successful just eats each other, their world that isn’t steeped in one ounce of reality.

I wouldn’t mind, let them have it.  Let this country fall to ruin.  What’s it to me?  Let this world be destroyed: blown apart by man, nature, God, anything.  As long as I have a good run personally, it means nothing, right?  Let children carry semi-automatics, let the Bible be the only thing you claim to have ever read,  be proud of your ignorance, let yourself be represented by minstrel ‘hillbilly’ politicians who are just as slick as any other but are in a rented Ford Truck, and just buy whatever you want to buy.  What does it matter to me?

There is no use in fighting, what comes to pass, comes to pass.  Whether you’re with it, against it, unaware of it: by some invisible and invincible machination, things happen.  I can fume and rage all day, until my vision is blurry and I can barely bring myself to sputter obscenities, and they’ll still have their world.

No one person has ever changed the public consciousness, have they?  Well, at least, not by talking about it.  A culture is ready to change when it’s ready to change, not when some self-righteous cunt decides it’s getting really out-of-hand.

Maybe if I could just have one person to rule over, one person to dominate and destroy from their very base, I could be happy.  To see one person’s false world at least start to tremble and shiver into reality because of me, I could feel like I’d done something.  Then again, what would that matter?  Why bother making one fool question himself, it would be a small and unremarkable thing to do.  Something surely many had done before you, to bring the fool to where he is now.

Really I suppose, time does what it does.  If the Age of Enlightenment is coming to it’s true end, as has been theorized, that’s just the way it is.   If we can expect a new era of dependence on superstition, irrationality, and the demonization of intellect, there isn’t much that blogging about it can do, haha.  After all, I’m sure one of the first things to go would be the internet as it is today.
And wouldn’t you know it, here’s a response I got to a comment I made on some Youtube video.  If there was some option wherein you could choose not to view the comment section on Youtube, I’d be much obliged.

I asked what it would take to get this guy to believe in a global climate change, you know, as being a real thing.  I asked specifically who would have to come out and say it was happening, what organizations would have to make a statement, what ‘hard evidence’ particularly he still needed to see.   At least he tells me to have a nice day, that does actually help me not to get so angry.  I also try to tell myself that who ever it is that I’m arguing with is probably very nice to their grandchildren.  You see, I find myself mostly disagreeing with the elderly these days.  Make of that what you will, here is his message to by youthful insubordination:

“Beacuse a petition by over 30,000 HONEST scientists and meteorlologist says otherwise! Sorry but not everyone,(except maybe Al Gore, Hollywood, and a few U.N. appointed “experts”) agrees with the so-called “evidence” of “manmade” global warming. This whole thing is nothing but a RELIGION baesd on New Age mother earth-Ghia worship nonsense which in turn has it’s roots in the false, UN-proven theory of evolution. I think we’ve all got BIGGER fish to fry,(like wars,poverty, possible nuclaer war, out-of-control crime,etc) right now don’t you think? Have a nice day!”

I don’t want people like this to drive on the same roads as I do.  I don’t want them to be members of my community, and I don’t want their children going to school with my children.  They’re more than welcome to have a nice day, but I don’t want their idiocy to infringe on my reality for one minute of it.  I don’t want their opinions to be given any sort of legitimacy in public discourse, when it is more or less based off of anti-intellectualism and faith.

I’m no agent of tolerance.  Why should anyone be tolerant of foolishness, simply on the merits of it’s existence?   Just because an opinion is there, doesn’t mean it is deserving of one minute of respect or attention.    Some of these things, I set myself up for.  I didn’t have to respond to that guy’s comment; I usually don’t.  It just struck me as particularly self-defeating, and I thought maybe a touch of reason and a counter-argument could at least get this guy to rethink his current position.  Well, no.  Some things though, some things are so culturally pervasive now that I couldn’t avoid them if I tried.  The biggest one, I feel, is anti-intellectualism.
“Elitist”, “Professorial”, “Egghead”, “Trial Lawyer”: criticisms.
“Plumber”, “Regular Joe”, “Hockey Mom”, “Just Like Me”: praise.

Not to say the latter should become the new criticisms, but they sure as hell aren’t positives.

I wouldn’t want anyone to use nothing but good ol’ fashioned country wisdom (ah gitgitgit) to take on any of the problems facing our nation right now.  Country wisdom and common sense is for fixing tractors and getting out of the forest at night, not for manuevering around a reccession and engaging in worldwide diplomatic relations.

I really hate those ads with the firefighters in Congress.

Number one, I know that firefighters are not always covered in soot.  If their job was in Congress, there would zero reason for them to be all sooty.   Number two, if the laws on the floor of the House and the Senate were actually as simple as, “HEY GUYS DO WE NEED CLEAN WATER GUYS HEY SAY AYE”, they would pass that easily–whether it was Senators or firefighters.  Number three, those firefighters would be napping or lifting weights twenty minutes in to the committee.   “AY GUYS WHY AINT WES FIGHTIN A FIRE OR SOMETHIN ACK FUCK YOUS I’M NAPPIN AY VINNY I AM NAPPIN CHECK ME SOME GUY NAPPIN AH YOU MUGS HEY WAKE ME UP WHEN THEYS FIRE TO PUT OUT OR WAR TO DECLARE OR SOMETHIN OKAY GOODNIGHT GANG”

It just speaks more to anti-intellectual culture that seems to be growing in numbers and in influence.  No, the world would not be a better place if “people just like you” ran it, if “average Joes” stalked the Congressional halls, drinking Red Bull and talking about titties all day.  Then some “average Joe” comes and fucks it all up, because that “average Joe” also believes Jews did 9/11.  Then another one comes charging in, and he thinks Jesus did 9/11 because of the Sodomites.  Then one Joe, the silent Joe who kept polishing his rifle in the back of the room, he pipes up and declares that THE GOVERNMENT with all their damn TAXES did 9/11, and even if they didn’t, isn’t it time he doesn’t have to pay for stuff anymore?  “Harumph!,” sez the Joes.  “Wake up, sheeple!” declares President Joe.  “Barack Obama is Malcolm X’s illegitimate son, prove me wrong~” shrieks Attorney General Joe.  “Jesus is coming any SECOND now, and if he sees all these abortions and single women he is going to just die!”, bellows Treasury Secretary Joe.

Yeah, average people.  Everyday, ordinary, common folk.  Life would be so much better.

at all

I need to try and keep myself away from things I know will upset me, and maybe try and find some hobbies/distractions that don’t ultimately lead to something that makes me rage.  It is hard during an election cycle though, haha.  Just taking a jaunty little trip down to the local hair salonry will cause seething, teeth-clenching, and muttered, empty threats.   I render people who disagree with me at fundamental levels into little hate-golems, objects created to be taken apart, so I never having to face the humanity we may share.   I don’t want to know if they love their grandchildren; to me, they are monsters designed to be reviled.  I hate to hear they may agree with me at some level, I shudder to think they may share my interests.  I want the distance between me and them to be vast.  Then again, we’re all people.  Maybe that is what makes me so unhappy.  If I could explain them away, if I can convince myself that pigs deserve the slop they create, maybe I wouldn’t get so passionate.

It goes in and out, sometimes I just think, “Why not?  Why not just elect whoever-the-fuck the majority of dumbasses want?  Let this country become whatever Leave it To Beaver set-piece it is that they come for.  I’ll invest in grains and play along.  After all, I’m an upper-middle class white woman, how bad can it get for me?  Look out for number one.”  That soothes me, I suppose.  Knowing that all of my rousing passions and assorted issues, none of them really have much to do with me.  I’ll always get along and get by, no matter who is in charge.  Prisoners, homosexuals, ethnic minorities, immigrants, the impoverished, the handicapped, children: who gives a fuck?  None of them have much to do with me personally, and even in the most right-wing of conservative’s vision for America, I still succeed.   I can pretend to be interested in romantic comedies and Jesus, just as easily as anyone else.   I can bundle my irreverence all away, and be happy in my work as the wife to a middle manager who doesn’t talk much, and likes football and dogs.   Kenny Chesney sings a song and a smattering of moderately attractive and non-threatening women wear moderately attractive garb and make adequately sexual movements.  I bake some variety of sauced chicken, and at the end of the day we have some missionary sex in a queen-sized bed, outfitted in positively taupe sheets.

I could die like that, I suppose.

Really, the problem isn’t going to be solved by electing anyone in particular, it’s a cultural issue.  In a country where one in four adults didn’t read a single book in 2006, 23 percent of Texans believe Barack Obama is a Muslim, and 54 percent believe human beings didn’t evolve from other species, what more do I want?  There is only so much that can happen in a nation where saying “Happy holidays” in lieu of “Merry Christmas” is seen as rude, where “Secular Progressives” are a shady, dangerous organization, where morality and ethical judgments are attached to economic theories…What do I want, and what do I expect to see change in my lifetime?  I’m the outlier, beyond measure, outside of the graph.   I suppose things could change, all things do progress at some level.  Though I doubt I’ll ever see the day where a politician who represents me and my issues will be something more than a punchline.  Or someday, Gallup and Pew researchers throw up their hands at a sudden shift in their survey results.  A poll that doesn’t say 40 percent of Americans believe in ghosts!  Nearly half of this country believes in ghosts?  Everyday, I am looking at a person who may honestly believe ghosts exist?  It’s that sort of thing that gnaws away at me with every interaction.

When was the last time you read a book, clerk?  Was it some sort of young adult fiction, something intended for an audience much younger than you?  Was it perhaps some kind of self-help book, or something of a religious bend?  Do you believe in God?  Do you believe in a literal interpretation of the Bible?  If you knew how I felt about _____, would you still smile at me?  If I were to run for public office, would 48 percent of you refuse to vote for me because of my nonbelief?  Would you be in that group, driver-on-my-left-hand-side?

You may not be a bad person, driverclerk, I’ve met plenty of people who align themselves to the right of the political spectrum who I think are perfectly fine human beings.  Same goes for religious people, for people who don’t read a lot of books, for anyone.   Maybe though, maybe it is just because they don’t know me well enough to hate me, to be disgusted, to brand me un-American and remind me to “Love it or leave it”.

I guess it’s just frustrating, knowing how much I’d be raged against if I was visibly identified as well, what I am.  It’s the way it is though, and there is no changing nature.  All I can do is have little vignettes in my head, of me berating and “taking down a peg or two” whatever golem-strawman has earned my ire (deserved or not) at that moment.

I ain’t proud, life.